Three years ago today I started my first ever maternity leave. It was a Friday three years ago today and I felt like if I stayed home from work I might feel more prepared for my world to forever change. How silly I was to think that one day would help prepare me for the REST of my life! I ran to Target three years ago today and bought a few last minute things, that looking back on, I probably didn't really need! Three years ago today I was 41 weeks pregnant and some what content with the fact that I still hadn't had our baby. I use to say "The longer he is in my belly the more time I have to sleep all I want!" It was a little annoying to have people say, "When are you due?" to which I would reply "Last Saturday." The look on the faces of the women that heard this reply was priceless. Oh the sympathy I received from their eyes! Or hearing people say "You're still pregnant?" Three years ago today I took a nice long shower and did my hair, that way I could just get up the next morning and head out the door for the hospital. I thought I would have a harder time sleeping, the anticipation getting the best of me... But clearly my body was too tired to stay awake and think, so I feel right to sleep three years ago today!
Three years ago today I never knew the feeling of waking up in hot sweats and running to a kids room to make sure they were still breathing. Three years ago today I never knew the feeling of complete fear, fear of not doing a GOOD enough job, fear of not providing my child with the most love I could, fear of not being the BEST example I could be. Three years ago today I didn't know what it felt like to hold a child in my arms and feel completely overwhelmed and scared to death. Three years ago today I never knew what it was like to actually WANT to wait on another person 24/7! Three years ago today I never knew I could pray so hard, fast so much and cry until their was no more tears to fall! Three years ago today I never knew the pain that three little letters (ITP) could cause a mother. Three years ago today I never realized how important it is to have GOOD doctors who care about your kids like they were their own. Three years ago today I was nice and large and completely unaware of the full extent of changes that were about to happen to me.... But most of all, three years ago today I was completely unaware of the ability I had within myself to love a little 8lb 14oz baby! (And over a year ago today a 7lb 6oz baby!)
Oh how much has changed in just three short years! I am not a perfect mother by ANY means, but I sure LOVE being one! Ethan changed my life forever, gave my life purpose and completely changed me for the better. I will forever love him with ALL my heart!