Random Thoughts

The other day while grocery shopping I turned the corner in the dairy department and was struck with a sudden sadness and longing for my mother in law. I don’t get why that corner at that time and the dairy had to do with anything related to my mother in law, but something must have triggered in my mind. This is not the first time this has happened, it happens quite often. I miss that lady like crazy and I know I’m not the only one, especially in my family. Yesterday Katelee did the lesson during FHE on the Plan of Salvation. We went through each step that was laid out on her poster. Pre-Existence, birth, earth and then death. Grandma Snickers was brought up and it was interesting to have the kids bring up her as an example of someone that had died and was now in the Sprit World. Grandpa Rufus was also mentioned and Cousin Brian… Then we moved on to the Resurrection. This was a sweet part of the FHE lesson. Chris mentioned that when we are resurrected our bodies are perfect. He then mentioned that Grandma was so sick here on earth and often didn’t feel well and didn’t have hair when she died. Then he explained that after the resurrection she would not be sick, not have aches and pains and would have her hair again. Katelee seemed amazed that her hair would be back. It was a sweet, sweet lesson and experience with the family. Tonight at dinner Katelee brought up that she couldn’t believe that Grandma would have hair again when she was resurrected. We were all commenting on this and then Kate looked at me and said, “Oh no, please don’t cry!” Mind you, I wasn’t even close to crying, really. But she is just so use to me crying when talking about Grandma Snickers that she just expected me to cry. Ethan chimed in that he cries a lot about Grandma and that it’s ok to cry. I want my kids to feel that they can cry and mourn, they don’t have to hid it or keep it in. I think Katelee is afraid to cry in front of people, but Ethan is comfortable crying.

As we plan for this little baby girl to come we have been trying to come up with a plan for who will watch our kids while we are delivering. Karolyn has always watched the kids so my mother could join me and Chris for the birth. We will eventually figure it out, but it’s just a different kind of sadness knowing that she won’t be there. That she wont be able to bring the kids to the hospital to see their new sister and that she will not be there to welcome little Brynlee (Name could change, it’s like 95% a positive thing) as well. Oh, I believe she already knows her and that makes me feel a bit better about all of it, but it still wrenches at my heart. How grateful we are to know that we will see Karolyn again, how thankful we are to know that Families are Forever and that this life is only but a small moment. That our lost loved ones are not really ever lost, just gone on forward before us. Oh how we miss Karolyn, a lot, but time is making this new way of life easier and sadly more normal….