Thursday, February 3, 2011

Reality Check

As I look up at the time projection on my ceiling I realize I've only been asleep a few hours and yet Katelee is crying. I pull/push/drag my big pregnant body out of bed and hobble down the hallway. Kate wants me to sleep with her, which I politely decline... "Mommy has to sleep with Daddy, you will be fine.." She whines and asks me to sing to her. I sing (the best I can at that hour) a few songs and cover her back up, rub her face and give her a kiss. She whines a little as I walk out, but stops when I'm in the hallway. About an hour later she is calling my name, once again I pull/push/drag myself out of bed and weave down the hallway again, to find her asleep... she must have been dreaming... About an hour later I'm woken up by a soft little hand rubbing my arm. I roll over and have a nice little talk with Katelee again, "honey, you need to sleep in your bed, come on I'll take you back..." She of course wants to be carried, so with my two year old in my arms we play 'bumper walls' down the hall. I lay her in bed, sing again and head back to bed. Then the "Katelee" wake up hour of the week comes around, 5:00am!! I'm woken once again by a soft hand rubbing my arm and a soft little face nuzzling into my body. I look at the clock and can't believe this is the fourth day in a row she has been up at this time. A little grouchiness takes over and I ask Katelee to lay on the floor, "No, I get in your bed!" is the reply I get. I climb out of bed, pick her up and say, "Then it's back to your bed!" Katelee immediately begins screaming and calling for her Daddy. I try to calm her down, but she can be persistent. I put her down in our room so I can go potty. Daddy calls her over to his side of the bed, where she decides she can lay on the ground. The next time I'm woken up, besides the 4 times I press snooze on my alarm, is at 6:30am to the sound of my little lady telling her Daddy, "I love you!" and cuddling.

I'm exhausted, I'm a little grouchy, I'm feeling very BIG, I'm wishing it was Saturday, I'm running late... I'm just not in a good mood.

Flash forward about 45 minutes later, I'm on my way to work. My drive is now about 35-40 minutes and I've got nothing but time to think... I do a lot of thinking in my car on my drives... Today a thought comes to my mind, Every morning Ethan comes into our room when he wakes up, he looks for me and always comes over and hugs my leg... We have the same morning chat, every morning, "How did you sleep last night, buddy?" His replies sometimes vary, but mostly they are "good!" This morning it was "good, but my nose isn't feeling well!" That made me smile, then Katelee comes over to say good morning and gets in Ethan's face, "I no wake you up today!" she says with all the enthusiasm that little body of hers can muster! I silently think to myself, "Yeah, but you woke everyone else up!" It still makes me smile, she is definitely the morning person in our family. Ethan is not grouchy in the morning, but he isn't energetic either! Katelee steps out of bed and is ready to do ANYTHING, the rest of us need some warm up time! This thought makes me smile as I drive to work and realize how lucky I am. Being pregnant always makes me more emotional and lately I have been feeling the emotional effects of pregnancy. My mind immediately turned to a story my friend told me. She has a friend who just lost a 20 month old son. He went to sleep with a slight fever and never woke up. I do not know these people yet this has affected me tremendously. Immediately tears wheal up in my eyes as I drive down Sahara, the thoughts of how fortunate I am to have my children alive overwhelms me. My recollection of my restless night pops into my mind and the thoughts of annoyance turn to overwhelming gratitude! How grateful I am to have a child that can wake me up in the middle of the night, because that means she is awake and able to walk. How grateful I am to be the person she chooses to go to in the middle of the night for comfort. How my mother mind had a reality check this morning. How often I take for granted the health of my children and their sweet spirits. How often I take for granted what I have been so greatly blessed with....

I have wonderful parents that would do anything for me and my family. I have a mother that watches my crazy kids every day and never complains about it. I have parent's that tag team sitting in the bathroom with Katelee so she can get potty trained. I have a dad that works all day and then comes home and takes my son outside to play even though I'm sure he'd rather be sitting down relaxing. My parent's put up with a lot from me growing up and yet they still love me and my family. They love us through our faults and I know I can always count on them to be there for us!

I have wonderful in-laws that would also do anything for us. We have been using my mother-in-laws car for quite some time now. It has been a blessing for us while Chris is in school. My mother-in-law takes Katelee on Monday's and Ethan on Friday's. They have their special time together and with Grandpa until he goes to work. I have a father-in-law that is always concerned about us and makes sure we are well taken care of. They too went through a lot with Chris growing up, yet they too, still love us and our family. They too love us through all of our faults and would do whatever they could for us.

I have fantastic friends who randomly text me to see how I am, tell me something funny or just say hi. I know my friends would do anything for my family and are always doing little things to serve us. They constantly build me up and make me feel good about myself. My friends are the kind of friends that I will have my entire life, not just until we move or switch wards.

I have two, almost three, perfect kids. Ok I might be stretching it when I call them Perfect, but I am their mother! They can make me smile and cry all at the same time. They have complete hold of my heart and many times dictate who I am. They have a look in their eyes that lets me know they know who they are and why they are here. Perhaps that look is only one their mother can see, but it is so sweet and precious to me! I have a connection to them that is unexplainable. I worried when I was pregnant with Katelee that I wouldn't love her as much as I did Ethan. Ethan being the first born, the one that MADE me a mother.. But I was wrong. I love them both so much and I don't know how it will work, but I will love this third one just the same. My heart will grow a size and it will never be the same again. Some of my favorite things in the world are real hugs from my kids, comforting them when they don't feel well and getting told randomly that they love me!

I have a great husband. Is he perfect? No, but neither am I and that makes us perfect for each other. He is my corresponding part that keeps me grounded. I hear stories of other father's that don't do much. Chris is never afraid to be left with the kids, I know when I leave them with him they will be ok. He knows how to hold them and quiet their cries and wipe away their tears as well as I do. He knows I'm different and he lets me be that way. He listens when I need to vent, he doesn't try to tell me how to fix my issues but rather listens and understands. He remembers things that I forget minutes after they happen. He never claims to be better than anyone, he knows he has faults and he works on them diligently. He loves me beyond belief and works so hard to be the best husband, father and person for our family. He helps get the kids dressed every morning and night, he helps put them to bed and he studies every night as well. He fulfills his church callings to the best of his ability and sets a good example to me when I'm too tired to pray or read at night, by doing those things himself. I was truly blessed the day I turned 21 to meet my husband at his friend's house. That is a day I will remember my whole life, even though I couldn't remember his name for a month or so after that night!

I have been blessed with the best brother and sister a girl could ask for. They have always supported me and loved me no matter how crazy I was. My sister always shared her things with me, (whether she wanted to or not) and my brother was my best friend growing up. I can tell them anything and know they will never judge me! They do random things for me and my family that reconfirm to me that they love me the way only a sibling could! When they have accomplishments in their lives, my heart is full for them... And I know it's the same for them... My Brother-in-Laws and Sister-in-law are great too. They have always and continue to support Chris and our family 100%. They have taken me in as their true sister and I love them for it!

I could go on and on, but these are just the thoughts that came to my mind on my drive to work. What a reality check I was allowed to have today... How much I have been given in my life... My heart truly is full if not overflowing!


Brandi said...

What a heartwarming post. Sometimes it takes a wake up call to remind us of all our blessings. Isn't it always like that? While reading this my own mind went to just this past week for me. My precious "great sleeper" has been waking up 3-4 times a night. During the moment I don't have an ounce of energy to get out of bed, but then I remember what if she's teething or what if she really is hungry? She depends on her mommy and I somehow end up walking down the hall with a smile on my face. Knowing that I can pick her up, sit diwn to feed her and rock her back to sleep is a blessing.

Also, I too will never forget the night you met Chris. You two are perfect for each other and have a beautiful growing family. I'm so thankful to be a tiny piece of your story together. :o)

Get Hooked said...

I'm going to have to stop visiting your blog if you keep making me cry. And I'm not pregnant. You are an amazing mom and an amazing woman. I love how positive you are about everything. Thanks for the reminder that life really is good! Love you!

Ashlee Merback said...

Wow, thanks for your example! After a night like that I am not sure I would be able to be quite so positive. The reason your family and friends are good to you is because you are first so great to them. I'm so grateful to have you as a freind. You are amazing! Thanks for the reminder today.